The Future – Joseph McElroy

Joseph McElroy – 1930 –

It’s a tough subject to write about.

The relationship between a mother and a son.

It seems to me, much easier to write a bout the relationship between a father and a daughter or a father and a son – mostly I suppose because I think fathers are pretty cut and dry. The influence that a father has on his children is much more subtle and it is a powerful influence that they don’t even realize they are exerting. Problems and deviations from the norm that exist in a father can set the children up for all sorts of behavior – and further, it seems, that a father is a bit more reckless with his life inside of the family structure.

The mother’s influence is a more of “in your face” influence. It’s right out there in the open.

It seems that a mother (a high percentage of them) tend to fall into the traditional role that one would expect of them.

And I base this on what?

Well, nothing more than my own experience – so, one could say, that my observations are only a result of what I have lived with, and so they are not to be applied to all familial relationships.

Yes?

Correct!

I’ve written plenty here about my father and my relationship with him. I touched briefly on my relationship with my mother. I’m too lazy to link back to those posts. – Sorry –

My mother worked hard to raise my sister and me. She was left in a better position than other mothers during the 1980s after a divorce. We still had a roof over our heads, and my father paid child support until we were adults.

My mother and father (from a distance) raised two kids without any discipline problems.

Overall, we were good kids.

I had a good relationship with my mother. She set down the law, and I followed it.

I was lucky in most cases.

A mother, as she should have, accepted me in whatever form I came in. My phase where I wore combat boots and shaved my head was accepted. My phase where I had long-term girlfriends and evidence built that we were “serious” was accepted.

I didn’t do drugs, and I didn’t drink. I think she felt some relief in this and so my fence of freedoms was enlarged.

The only bumpy part of the road in our relationship was during my college years. She was accepting of my desires for freedom and independence. She didn’t hold on too tight. There was some questioning surrounding our communication during my time at Norwich, but while I was in Vermont, I was trying my hardest to develop into my own person.

Overall, she did a good job.

My problem though is that I rarely tell her this. I feel that I don’t need to tell her this, but it goes against my thoughts on praising people when they “do good”.

I take comfort in her knowing that she did a good job by looking at my life and the decisions that I have made and continue to make.

The life I am leading now, with all the successes and the happiness that is in my life, and I know that she has to feel some credit for this.

She’s a good mom, was a good mom and continues to be a good mom and I love her.

Shiloh – Bobbie Ann Mason

Bobbie Ann Mason – May 1, 1940

In Shiloh, I found a nice stepping stone to reflect on past relationships. I can include friendships in this as well, not to focus just upon “romantic” relationships that I have had.

There is a fine balance that we must all walk in life where personal development and growth lie ahead as a reward and detachment or loss lie behind us – or rather- to our side.

It is important to recognize this see-saw type of relationship we have with others and ourselves because if one side is too heavy, we risk so much.

It will be ten years this summer that M and I have been married. Early on in our marriage, she blamed me for being “selfish”.

I fought her on this label but I the end, upon refection, she was 99% right in its application.

I have learned to balance out what I enjoy doing in life to the time spent in our life “together”.

The reward to making compromises to a friend, wife or family member is usually worth it.

Both of us over the past ten years have sacrificed for each other. It’s called “being married”.

Why would we deny the other the happiness that would come from the pursuit of something we wish to work hard for?

She has come to understand the importance of me running for hours at a time – the therapy that it provides. She also understands how important reading and the collection of books is to me.

I recognize that she has to go against her better judgment sometimes, but when she does, it is a sacrifice that makes me happy.

The perspective that another can provide to you in your pursuit of your wants can be beneficial as well. Others keep us in check – they make sure that our dreams aren’t too lofty – or doomed to fail. They also can provide encouragement when we feel that our dreams are out of reach.

The Bookseller – Elizabeth Hardwick

Elizabeth Hardwick - July 27, 1916 – December 2, 2007

The last time I encountered Hardwick, I didn’t much care for her story. This time around, her writing fell a bit easier on me.

I’ve often thought about what it would be like to engage in book selling. I’ll admit, I don’t think I would do a good job at all in that profession. I would hate to part with the books. I’m sure that I would seek out books to fill my shelves, but I would place myself in an interesting position when it came to selling them.

Loaning books – I don’t even like doing that. I have been burned too many times by people who have “lost” the books that I lent them.

Calisher in her introduction, states that Hardwick’s story does the job of reminding us of literatures place in our world.

I really wonder what its place is today. The world has change so much in the years since Calisher made that observation and chose this story as a way to present her point.

I do not have a firm grasp (who really does) on where, as a society, literature fits into our world.

Because I read so much, because I focus so much on the literary world, my view is skewed.

I feel that not enough people are reading – I feel that back in the 80’s when Hardwick wrote this and Calisher included it, there was a little teetering towards where we are today. Calisher proves to be prophetic once again.

Are people buying books? Are people reading the books that they buy? Are books that are being published really worth publishing?

My history with books is one that I have touched on before in these writings so I needn’t repeat myself...but, my recent relationship with books has really taken on a new and interesting dimension since I started this project of learning and self discovery.

I have learned so many lessons and my perspective on the world has shifted due to some of what I have read. The stories have opened my eyes, allowed me to see people for who they really are – to cut through the noise of the world that we live in today through lessons that were written many years ago – which carry so much weight today.

I can’t stress how important this exercise is for me.

The Assembly – Mavis Gallant

The Assembly – Mavis Gallant

Mavis Gallant - August 11, 1922 -

So I touched briefly on Mavis in this post from The BASS 1980 – Here is the link to that post - if at all interested.

There has been so much written about what Gallant “captures” in her writing so I doubt that anything I say in the way of adding to that would mean much. I do think that she does a fine job of capturing a slice of the petty and self-centered-ness that exists in all of us though this little short story.

Personally, when I am involved in meetings where at times the meetings go off on tangents where individuals turn the focus to themselves. It’s a waste of time and serves no purpose in forwarding the agenda. Kinda like what happens in this story.