I’m being honest when I say that a week doesn’t pass where this project isn’t in my head. I think about this project at its height – posting a thought about a story almost daily. I think about the comments I’ve received on certain posts. I think about the connections I’ve made the authors I’ve come to love and I believe most importantly, the explorations into my mind the stories have generated.
There
was a bit of fear opening this page and writing again. But, I think I am ready.
You see,
it’s been 1 year 8 months and 3 days or 610 days since I started the BASS 1990.
This has to be- by far the longest it has taken me to get though a volume and I’ve
only read half the stories.
I sat
here before I started writing this thinking about these last 610 days wondering
what within these days has kept me away from the book(s).
So much
has happened. My life out of the house – at work, specifically at the paper (or
should I call it the “media company” now?) has been tough psychologically. Work
at the university has been fine – actually it’s only been difficult physically –
testing my ability to function without sleep. Work at the paper has just been
tough because of all the transformations we are moving through and wondering if
I will survive them. I have – and my position there seems secure – but we’ve
taken so many hits and so many people have left and so many people have
encouraged me to leave…I can only feel that it could be a matter of time before
my number comes up.
Opposing
these feelings/situations, life on the home front has been wonderful- if not
filled with its own set of distractions. 610 days ago the boy and I were on a
pretty regular running schedule with me hitting 10K runs at least 3 times a
week and moving into 2014, almost a year ago- on May 31-June 8 I ran a 10K each
day with my best time at 49:42 – averaging 8:00/mile.
In late
2013 we went on a trip back to Romania. It was great. And then later in 2013 we
decided to have another child…and well, that worked!
The
months of the pregnancy before the second son arrived were filled with all the
psychic baggage you could expect – and then in the summer of 2014 #2 arrived.
I had no
problem downshifting my life to be a father/dad. It’s what I’m supposed to do.
Work remained the stress that it had been all along – (now with added work and
responsibilities!) and running was completely out of the picture. So from the
middle of the summer 2014 to Dec. 31, 2014, I ran once…on the 31st.
In 2015, I’ve made it out the door 27 times. A coooold winter kept me indoors
at 0600 when it was below freezing and I just couldn’t drag my carcass out the
door.
I’ve
made it out 7 days in May with 3 of those back-to-back.
I have
also accepted the fact that I’m not recovering as fast as I did back in my 30s.
Joints and muscles are sore for a bit longer.
There is
a huge distraction coming down the line in June and it’s anyone’s guess to how
long that will pull me away.
As I
reflected back to those days of reading and writing I realized that I had
something in my life that held me firm. I had my runs and these books.
I need
that again. I need to join my life now – everything that I have in it…with
these steadying elements.
So – as I’ve
written so many times before – Let’s try this again.
Dennis
McFarland – Nothing to Ask For
A
difficult story for me to write about as I try to get back into this project. I
cannot relate to the subject matter – but I can relate to the love, devotion
and friendship the main character expresses towards his friend.
I’ve
been spared the burden of taking care of someone with a terminal disease.
I had a
very brief, mild view as to what that might feel like during one of the last
visits my father made to our house.
I had to
monitor everything he did. Monitor his meal times; monitor his bathroom breaks,
his showering. I had to sleep in the same room as him to prevent him from
getting up during the night and injuring himself.
And the
whole time – he too had Nothing to Ask For.
The
years ahead of me are going to require an incredible amount of patience love
and understanding. Not just as my boys grow and learn about the world…but as I
grow old, M grows old and my mother and father grow old.
It’s
going to be difficult.
And I
just need to remember to love.
