A very strange day today - a day when many old memories surfaced and pushed my mood towards the slightly melancholic.
It started as I was looking at some old vacation locations on Google Earth. I then ventured into some of my online photo albums and pulled up old shots of my father. Not really old - maybe 5-7 years ago. A lifetime ago really. A time where he knew my name.
Where we could sit at a table and drink scotch and carry on conversations. In those conversations, some were pretty banal - others deep and meaningful - either way, I seem to remember making connections with him that had never before developed.
So, now, I am stuck with the connections we made then.
We can go no further.
And, I think this is OK.
It’s my opinion that as humans we seek to make connections.
Richard Bausch in his contributor’s notes concerning this story writes that - “...I knew I wanted to bring them to some pass that would mean a sort of helpless embrace.”
I think it’s natural that because of the divorce I sought out deep and meaningful connections with my father - and as I matured and wondered where his mind was during the divorce, I sought to understand him more through our discussions.
When dad and I sat together and drank, it was our embrace.
I remembered those embraces today and I’ll remember them tonight as I practice my Thursday night scotch drinking ritual.