Back in October we made our first trip back
to Romania with W. It was a wonderful trip. Plenty of time with the
family and W traveled extremely well.
Going back to Negresti is not just
a trip back to a former home, it’s a chance to time travel.
I knew before the
trip that I would have for time traveling with my son, feeling emotions from
those old days but with a companion from the future so W and I took every
opportunity to get out of the apartment and onto the little streets of
Negresti.
At least twice a day W and I would venture out onto the
cold(somewhat cold), still dusty(not as dusty), still dirty(not as dirty)
streets of Negresti. We’d make our way out of the apartment, taking dark
the uneven stairs with care and onto the sidewalk outside of the apartment
bloc.
Each time, be it the bright light of the morning, a midday glare -
or the dusky evening purple light, I’d take a quick couple of seconds to
assess the surroundings, see who was walking down the sidewalk as a possible
portal to the past. We’d start our walk down the sidewalk and usually
turning right towards the “commercial” street. Heading out onto the
street for W was all about reaching the playground.
He had his
priorities, I had mine.
Heading out onto the street for me was all about
returning to 1998 - reaching back. Things changed in Negresti - but not
much. Infants that were born when I first arrived there were now old
enough to be my students if I were to teach there again. Time failed to
stop for me as I wish it had. I walked with W down the streets doing my best to
casually stroll and to make myself as visible as possible.
Sounds, smells the
light - all were the same. 1998 returned to me often on those walks.
I ran into former students who apologized for their English as I apologized
for my Romanian.
Time travel.
Nervous laughter and smiles - and then it was
over.
We continued down the street. There was a brief tug from the past, a
tug towards the bars with their smoke and cheap vodka. Thinking back to
those days, I determined that a good deal of self-examination and discovery
took place in those “establishments” brought on by the clarifying effects of
the booze.
Walking the streets in 2013 I realized that there would be no
going back. Those smoky rooms were gone for me now.
I would need to
discover myself elsewhere - but honestly, is my discovery all that important in
the role that I now serve as a father? Yes, to some degree I suppose -
but perhaps existing in the present with my son is far more important that
strolling down the dirty sidewalks and dark smoky rooms of my past. It’s
time to remember the past, not live in it - I must live in the present and the
future with my son.
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