Home - James Robison

James Robison – born October 11, 1946.

This was a nice clean story.

It was an assurance to the reader that we all have insecurities and doubts no matter what age, over a wide variety of reasons and situations.

We have people and family that enter and exist in our lives, and the influence that those people have over us, as well as their actions, often cause ripples which in turn, can develop into massive waves, disrupting our life and causing distress.

We can wish and hope that loved ones act a certain way but they are in the end their own person. We have to deal with their decisions. They are family.

Several days ago, as I eased into a corner kitchen table, mind cloudy from wine and brandy (tucia for you Romanians), I overheard my brother-in-law tell his father that he was going to Afghanistan with the Army (Romanian) on the 22^nd. Now, I don’t remember if I walked in mid conversation, or if he thought that my Romanian wasn’t good enough to understand or if he knew that my knowing would eventually happen.

But now it gets interesting. At that moment, the people that knew were his wife, his Dad and me. He wants to, and intends to keep his deployment, a secret from his mother. Before I could discuss the issue concerning my mother-in-law, I pressed him to tell M. I mean, I really pressed him.

In the drunken brother way – knowing full well that this decision to go was a decision he wanted...he petitioned to go. He is, in his heart, a soldier.

So, about ½ an hour later, he tells M.

M is of course not happy with his plan or the fact that he wants to go to Afghanistan.

The conversation develops into so many directions – as one would expect a conversation of this type to develop.

Not to get any deeper into this story, but, in the end, we left Romania last week knowing that he was off to Afghanistan in a couple of weeks. The entire family knows – minus his mother. He is an adult. He knows what could happen to him over there. He knows what could happen to his mother if she knows...or never knows.

My prediction –

This is not going to end well.

But, he is family, this is our family, and this is a small ripple that is going to turn into a massive wave.

Three that know.

(L-R, Me, M and her brother)

Please be safe.

Friends – Grace Paley

Grace Paley Dec. 11, 1922 – August 22 2007

To begin with, it was pleasant to see a story in this volume with the focus on a group of women. Elkin has done a nice job in stuffing this book with stories about men. Honestly, I don’t think that he did a fair job in this case. Hey – I’m a man, and I know men, I enjoy reading about women – gives me some more insight – after all, I am using these readings as an education.

Actually, learning about the author of this short was a bit more interesting than the story.

Here are a few lines about Paley from an article about her in the NYT announcing her death in 2007.

-In a sense, her work was about what happened to the women that Roth and Bellow and Malamud’s men had loved and left behind.

- Her stories, many of which are written in the first person and seem to start in mid-conversation, beg to be read aloud.

-Grace’s childhood was noisy and warm. There were stories and songs and glasses of good strong tea. Always, there was glorious argument. The communists hollered at the socialists, the socialists hollered at the Zionists, and everybody hollered at the anarchists.

-A self-described “somewhat combative pacifist and cooperative anarchist,” Ms. Paley was a lifelong advocate of liberal causes. During the Vietnam War, she was jailed several times for antiwar protests; in later years, she lobbied for women’s rights, against nuclear proliferation and, most recently, against the war in Iraq.

Good strong tea! My type of family.

So, the story.

I have wondered what sort of friends I will have left in my old age. Will they be the same friends I have today? With the pace of life and our abilities to relocate and my/our personal/joint desire to live our life someday elsewhere – it seems that say in 40 years, my friends will be different.

When I sit back an look at the circle of friends I have today, I could call it modest. Even that would be a stretch. Could I consider my co-workers “friends”? I suppose a couple could be considered the sort that I could keep in touch with over the years.

I don’t know though if I really have what could be called a true “friend”. I mean all the guys from school are there but as far as a day-to-day friend – that type...? I have a very close relationship with my brother-in-law, and I do call him a friend – but is he only my friend because he is married to my sister? He does so much for us, and provides a ton of support where needed, I can tell him secrets, and I can drink with him...but I think that he is considered family, kinda knocks him into a different category. I mean, there are certain things that I can’t tell him.

I don’t know, I don’t think I really have what I would call a true friend anymore.

Perhaps the person that I am, and the life that I have lived in the past as allowed me to be comfortable with this.

Yeah, it’s OK.

Breathe man...breathe.

Ups and downs - Anger and pleasure - Happiness and sadness - Hours without end. Confused sharpness with a blurry edge.

And all the while – I didn’t read. I didn’t use what I know comforts me.

The weight of these stories pressed themselves upon me daily.

I’m back now from a trip that’s been too long - but with a refocused energy.

It’s simple – it’s just time to read.

Lemon Tree – Curt Johnson

Curtis Johnson - May 26, 1928 - June 9, 2008

I think what I enjoyed the most about “Lemon Tree” was just the raw honesty of a man’s life that Johnson illustrates.

The frustrated complicated relationships, the substance abuse, the emotional abuse and the quest to reinvent oneself.

There were times in my life, and times when I was younger when I wished that I could change who I was. I remember in grade school wishing that I was taller. That my nose wasn’t so big, that I had better skin, that I was more muscular. As an adolescent, I think those wishes and desires are normal.

As an adult, we are placed into positions where we can change who we are. We just need to seize the opportunity. Now, I don’t mean that one should go about changing one’s life or leading one’s life as the main character does in “Lemon Tree”. Change should happen where there is minimal and possibly zero negative impact to others. The character sees flaws in himself, his life and seeks to reinvent himself. He does so through cheating on his wife, and abandoning all that once was his life by relocating to another country.

My idea of change in life should be accomplished through self improvement. Education, health, the expansion of ones awareness.

When I left for Romania, I was asked by someone very close to me if I was running away from something. This person in fact was acting a bit selfishly and attempting to convince me that leaving was a bad move. I fought back against the accusation that I was running (perhaps I was). I felt that I had reached a point in my life that I needed a change to happen. I was 26, and I knew that my immediate future did not lie in Norfolk. I felt that the future for me was out there, someplace in the world. I sought out improvement through volunteering to help others, and in doing so I changed so much that the man that departed Virginia was not the same man that returned.

It took 2 ½ years, and that was plenty enough time. I helped, not hurt others. I improved myself rather than injured myself or others. I grew rather than deteriorated.

Looking back, I feel though that I could have accomplished so much more. I could have not drunk so much. I could have lifted weights and come back a hulk! I could have read every book I wish I could read now.

But, I did what I did, and in the end, I am all the better for it.

Perhaps there will be an opportunity to change my life sometime down the road. In fact, I can do it whenever I feel like it. It just takes discipline and motivation. I can educate myself, I can learn a new language, I can become healthier, I can start writing, I can read more...all of these things can be done without damage to my loved ones.

It just takes responsible moves.

In 3 years I will be 40. There will be plenty of eyes on me to see if I buy a red convertible. Problem is, people know me too well and know that I would be satisfied with a bike.

Score 8 out of 10.