The seeds.

What lies between the pages.

The discovery of these seeds are one of the reasons why I like buying used books.

I’d never find these seeds in an e-book.

I mentioned in a previous post that I thought these could be poppy seeds that fell off a previous reader’s morning bagel. At least, that’s what I imagine.

The were wedged in between two different pages in what is called the gutter of the book. The seeds have left a definite mark on the pages that they were pressed against so that rules out me accidentally dropping seeds into the book (plus I haven’t eaten poppy seeds recently).

Well, I’m up for a little fun. I’m going to plant these seeds and see if anything grows. I’m doubtful, but what the hell – who knows.

Some see seeds as a symbol of hope – I have a lot of hope right now and hope for the future. Some very good things are happening in my life now, and...well...I just gotta keep the hope going by planting these seeds.

The Girl Who Was No Kin to the Marshalls – Anne Hobson Freeman

Anne Hobson Freeman - March 19, 1934

Freeman as far as I can tell has no connection to Gardner. –Good-

There have been a couple of stories that have hit close to home (actually more than a couple) but this one hits close in a few ways.

Researching Freeman, I discovered that she lives here in Virginia only 116 miles away from me – just over 2 hours by car! Pretty cool!

I was pleasantly surprised to read this story especially so since I had such familiarity with some of her scenes.

I did find this interesting story by her describing vacationing on Willoughby Spit in her youth.

http://www.willoughbyontheweb.com/willougbycivicleague/feature%20story.htm

Here is a map (with my GPS track) of a recent 20 mile run that took me down the Spit and onto the beach she mentions in her online story. I’m sure on my next run down the Spit; my thoughts will bounce back to her.

In her story contained within The BASS, she mentions Portsmouth VA. which is less than a 5 minute trip through the tunnel for me. Cool little connection for me there.

Finally, the primary setting for this story takes place at the Virginia Military Institute or VMI.

In High School, I was involved in JROTC. (yeeeeess, I was a dork). Two of my 3 best friends were also in JROTC with me and during our years there, we were quite successful within the program.

That’s me on the right in the front (I was the Company Commander) and my two best friends are behind me. The gentleman in the middle is in Iraq now on his second tour (and doing quite well for himself inside the military establishment) and the young man in the rear is a successful scientist living in North Carolina.

We all wanted to go to VMI. Of the three of us pictured above, only the middle man made it there and graduated successfully. My other friend, not included in the picture, made it through the RAT LINE – but was suspended for academic reasons, served some time in the army, was readmitted to VMI and graduated. He also saw some time in Iraq but is now a successful independent businessman in Lexington, VA.

I had a particularly heartbreaking rejection from VMI. It was the early spring of 1990. I had applied to VMI, and they had received my application and invited me to the school for a tour of the campus and an interview as a “future Keydet”. So, the family jumped into the car and headed west into the mountains to visit the beautiful VMI campus.

We arrived on campus in the late afternoon, and headed over to the admin. hall to meet with an admissions officer. The officer came out with a strained look on his face, introduced himself and asked us into his office. He sat us down and it was obvious that something wasn’t quite right. He explained to us that he and his staff had attempted to reach us for the past several hours in an attempt to cancel our campus visit.

“You see” he said...”You are not going to be admitted here”, “We didn’t want you to waste you time coming out here...we would have preferred to give you the news over the phone rather than you making such a long trip here for nothing”.

I just sat there looking stupid – my mother sighed and I saw tears well up in her eyes...she asked what it was that caused them to reject me.

It was a simple list actually – no extracurricular activities, poor academics and low SAT scores.

Easy rejection.

Looking back, I would have rejected me too!

Well, as the world works, my rejection at VMI and acceptance to Norwich was yet again one of the best things that ever could have happened to me.

It’s impossible to say what twists and turns my life would have taken if I attended and graduated from VMI. VMI is a wonderful school with rich traditions and I know many fine men who graduated from that school.

But –

What I gained from Norwich though what I needed in life.

Norwich, I believe suited me better.

I don’t think I was ever cut out to be a Keydet.

Once again, it’s interesting to look back at the paths your life has taken and wonder at the person you have become or the person you could have been.

Coming Over – Edith Milton

Edith Milton - ????

Displaced.

I’ve been lucky in this life so far as to have never been forcibly displaced from my home.

There are plenty though in this world that have, and are, and will. It’s one thing when something like a flood or fire takes away your home, you can be angry and upset, but can you really gain the needed satisfaction of getting angry at a flood?

When a man or groups of men, or a government displaces you, then you have something, someone to direct your anger towards – that can feel it.

Now, if it impacts them, that’s another story.

Milton knows what it feels like to be displaced, and it shows through her story. Displaced not only physically – but psychologically.

It’s the psychological displacement that I can, and I think most people can relate to. I would venture to say that a great number of people feel displaced psychologically at one time in their life.

Milton’s story takes place on a ship crossing the Atlantic.

I spent some time on a ship once, and it happened to be during a period in my life when I was going through a mental displacement.

I was on the Volga River traveling between Volgograd and Astrakhan Russia. As companions, I had Germans, Dutch, English, Japanese, French, Americans and of course Russians both sexes well represented in all of the nationalities.

We drank, we danced, we smoked, and we sat on the deck chairs and tried to impress the girls with our “personalities”.

Time on that ship was spent discovering limits and boundaries – not only in others but within ourselves.

Some of us sought to create new identities but the realization that doing so is far more difficult than ever imagined.

The close quarters, and the anonymity that the closure of our trip would soon allow us - brought down the walls of civility, courtesies and behavior that existed on shore.

It’s as if we were free of the burdens of our lives for the voyage.

We forgot to sleep knowing that any time doing so would be wasted. I had to stay awake as to fill each hour with meaning and adventure.

I learned a lot about people on the ship and a lot about myself.

My displacement was a good thing, and allowed for growth.

I was forever changed after that trip down the Volga.

our ship

Harmony of the World – Charles Baxter

Charles Baxter - May 13, 1947

I don’t know if it would be considered a complement or an insult to say that I felt like this short story was a novel.

I’d like to think it would be taken as a compliment. Baxter’s ability to pack just the right amount of “everything” into this short- gave it such thickness and substance that my brain felt as if it had just consumed a novel.

Have I ever been sooooo passionate about something as to drive someone away?

No, I can confidently say that although I am passionate and a bit crazy, I know humans have certain boundaries and limits and most importantly edges that you can’t push them over.

I think it comes down to a level of respect for others.

I really try my best to respect people, and I’m genuinely concerned about their feelings.

At times, I may talk the talk of a heartless bastard – but, in reality, I’m soft.

The problem is – the characteristic that gets me into trouble the most with others – the one thing about me that drives others insane – especially those closest to me, is that I am a bit too self-centered.

Ya think?!!

Perhaps this is due to my constant self-assessment sessions that I put myself through.

Perhaps it is due to the divorce all those years ago and the years after struggling with my identity.

Who knows- I can blame any number of things.

The good thing is that I am aware of this and awareness is the key!