Monday, February 15, 2010

The Future – Joseph McElroy






Joseph McElroy – 1930 –

It’s a tough subject to write about.

The relationship between a mother and a son.

It seems to me, much easier to write a bout the relationship between a father and a daughter or a father and a son – mostly I suppose because I think fathers are pretty cut and dry. The influence that a father has on his children is much more subtle and it is a powerful influence that they don’t even realize they are exerting. Problems and deviations from the norm that exist in a father can set the children up for all sorts of behavior – and further, it seems, that a father is a bit more reckless with his life inside of the family structure.

The mother’s influence is a more of “in your face” influence. It’s right out there in the open.

It seems that a mother (a high percentage of them) tend to fall into the traditional role that one would expect of them.

And I base this on what?

Well, nothing more than my own experience – so, one could say, that my observations are only a result of what I have lived with, and so they are not to be applied to all familial relationships.

Yes?

Correct!

I’ve written plenty here about my father and my relationship with him. I touched briefly on my relationship with my mother. I’m too lazy to link back to those posts. – Sorry –

My mother worked hard to raise my sister and me. She was left in a better position than other mothers during the 1980s after a divorce. We still had a roof over our heads, and my father paid child support until we were adults.

My mother and father (from a distance) raised two kids without any discipline problems.

Overall, we were good kids.

I had a good relationship with my mother. She set down the law, and I followed it.

I was lucky in most cases.

A mother, as she should have, accepted me in whatever form I came in. My phase where I wore combat boots and shaved my head was accepted. My phase where I had long-term girlfriends and evidence built that we were “serious” was accepted.

I didn’t do drugs, and I didn’t drink. I think she felt some relief in this and so my fence of freedoms was enlarged.

The only bumpy part of the road in our relationship was during my college years. She was accepting of my desires for freedom and independence. She didn’t hold on too tight. There was some questioning surrounding our communication during my time at Norwich, but while I was in Vermont, I was trying my hardest to develop into my own person.

Overall, she did a good job.

My problem though is that I rarely tell her this. I feel that I don’t need to tell her this, but it goes against my thoughts on praising people when they “do good”.

I take comfort in her knowing that she did a good job by looking at my life and the decisions that I have made and continue to make.

The life I am leading now, with all the successes and the happiness that is in my life, and I know that she has to feel some credit for this.

She’s a good mom, was a good mom and continues to be a good mom and I love her.

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