Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Starlight - Marian Thurm

Marian Thurm - born 1952

This particular story pulled up an interesting series of thoughts.

Early 80s divorce theme appears once again.

I’m sure I’ve had the thoughts before, but at this age and in the current space of life that I’m in now, the thoughts mean a bit more and are a bit more focused.

I thoughts have to do with the feelings that my mother must have had to deal with each time we returned from my fathers house.

I remember she would ask us questions about our visit with him but at the same time, I seem to remember that she wasn’t too invasive – which is funny, because now, she can’t be more invasive when we return from his house. I suppose her curiosity now has to do with his medical problems – thoughts of what her life would have been if they remained together.

As one of two children that was exchanged on holidays and summer vacations, I was in a position where I really didn’t care too much about how each of my parents felt when we left one and visited the other. I was happy to see the new parent and sad to leave the old – and when it was time to reverse the parents, the feelings were reversed as well.

Today though as I write this, I have the thoughts that my mother hurt much more during these exchanges than my father. I feel that my father had no feelings at all about exchanging us with our mom. He could just go back to work and not worry about the extra laundry or picking us up from day camp.

So, the thoughts fall to my mother – the feelings she must have been dealing with all of those years as we were passed between the two of them. The pain of the divorce and the exchanges every several months - it almost seems like salt was thrown on the wound each time.

I just can’t imagine.

1 comment:

  1. Just read "Starlight" in The New Yorker archives, and then came across your post via google. What a lovely, but sad story. Fortunately, it seems near the end that there is potential for more sensitivity on the part of the boys as they mature--kind of like how you are now able to empathize what your mother must have felt.